*Kitten-Kitty-Cat

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What if my father's father didn't make trouble when my mom got pregnant with me?could i hav a family like everyone else?could i be normal?happy?feel good about myself?would i hav not been aboused?
would i hav a mom and dad living happily together?

the only wish i want is to hav my mom and my dad together.....the only wish...i would do anything....i no my is happy with Tom but i'm not.....i dont like Tom and nothing will change that.....their "trying" to help me by making me go see ppl for help...but lately its making it worse....this pain that is striking and burning my wish is eating me alive...the boys in my grade treat me like shit i've NEVER did anything to them....yet they find my weakness and hit it..as hard as they can....if they say something about my father i go off on them if they say something about anyone i care about i go off on them..i told my friend leah when i go see my dad this summer i was going to come back but i probly will...the only real thing is keeping me alive is my Kitty Pooh and Eden...i want to be normal like everyone else i want a mom and dad too,,,,i want my family of my mommy and daddy,,,not my stepsister or step dad tho i get alone ok with darcie but still i dont get along with tom.,,,i want to run away and i thought about it and still am but where would i go?i want to confront my father's dad i do not dare cal him "grandpa" now...seeing wat he did now....he hurts me...to now that i could hav been like everyone else....my father has done some pretty mean stuff to my mother that his father told him to do and my mother has done some pretty mean things to my father too..they both hiding things from me and i can feel it,,,i no they lie to me....when it comes down to trust who can i run to help,,,i dont want my mom to no all the time or Tom but mom tells him she tells my dad too...i dont want to tell my dad...but sometimes i do instead of my mother but when it comes down to secerts...i hav noone to run too cuz i no they will tell my mom...i'm so broken inside and i fear it wont be fix and sometimes if feels like it cant...sure i can smile and be happy but underneith it all i'm broken and in pain i dont want anyone to see but they see it in my eyes.... this depression has dug to deep that u can see it in my eyes i'm on Prozax right now i they bust it up to 2 ml cuz it wasn't helping but there is another pill that u dont feel any emotion i think i want to go on that one...i dont want to feel pain anymore......the next thought about killing myself my mom and Tom are sending me to Miller Dawn in Duluth i am tired of tom being part of my buisness hes not my father i am glad my mom is happy but the fact is i am not....friday i had a dream that tom was abousing me and my mom was sitting there doing nothing tom HAS aboused me....yet my mom forgave him i didn't everyone says i should but i dont....i can't trust adult men thanks to my mom first husband he did something bad to me....that has ruin my life i can't look into adult male's eyes i hav to be atleast 3 feet away....i want to be set off my chain and be free....i hav started cutting again.... ppl tell me to be happy well let me tell u its not easy for me...i am going to start witch craft and medation i am not going to eat but feel off energy and i will find away
this is all i hav to say
hav a good day

my big sis!!!and a very special preson to me!!!
*~♥ ♥~*

someone who is very special to me
*~♥ ♥~*

my bestest friends


my friends



awsome ppl and that r meh friends too and ppl i watch!

:iconsaturngirl: